Back To You
by Star03074
Summary: An insecure Bella breaks up with Edward right before they leave for college, two thousand miles apart. After too many lies and mistakes, will they finally get a chance to make things right?
1. Prologue

Prologue – February 2012

To this day, even after all the time that has passed and the shit we've put each other through, he is still the most beautiful thing in the world to me. It's almost heartbreaking, really. The way he walks into a room like he owns it and the way his forehead crinkles when he laughs. Or the way he pinches the bridge of his nose when he's frustrated and the way his jaw tightens when he's trying to control his temper. The beauty of his presence blows my mind. I had denied it for so long but now that we are finally here, I can't help but kick myself for ever doubting our love. Although I can't bring myself to regret the time we spent apart, because it brought us to this very moment in time.


	2. The Beginning of the End

**Hello lovelies! This is my first attempt at a chapter-fic, so bear with me. **

**It's unbeta'd for now, so any mistakes are mine. I don't have a posting schedule, but I'll post when I have can. RL tends to take control sometimes, but I'll do my best to keep up. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all thing Twilight, I own this mess. **

**Please be kind and review :)**

* * *

Chapter One- The Beginning of the End

July 2004

"Yes, Alice, I will be there. I'm almost ready to go get Rose and then we'll be there," I told my best friend. I loved her, I really did . . . I just had to remind myself of that every now and then.

"Ok B, I'm just trying to make sure everything is ready for the party… It's going to be so epic!"

"Yeah, that's what you said last time. . . " I reminded her.

Junior year, Alice and Edward's parents went to Seattle for some kind of medical conference for the hospital, so we (and by we, I mean Alice) decided to throw a "small get together". My dumbass big brother, Emmett, and his friends asked Jasper, our older cousin and Alice's boyfriend, to buy beer with his fake ID and invited the entire senior class. We got busted when someone called the cops after Tyler Crowley puked in the neighbors' prize-winning rose bush.

Did I mention that the Chief of Police happened to be my dad? Needless to say, Emmett and I were in big trouble.

"Don't be such a downer, Bella. You need to relax. It's going to be fun . . . Look, Jazz is gonna be here soon, so I gotta go. But please, chill out. It's totally fine."

"Easy for you to say," I muttered.

"First of all, Jasper talked to the Chief for us. And second of all, you're 18 now, Bella, so Charlie can't ground you anymore. Plus, we're all going away to school soon. This is our last chance for all of us to hang out together before we leave," she whined.

"Alright Alice, you made your point," I grumbled.

I was still having a hard time believing that my police chief father was going to look the other way, just because Jasper said he'd watch out for us.

"Oh and make sure you wear that blue top I got for you… B, he's gonna die when he sees you in it! See you in a bit . . . Love you!" She squealed. And with that, the line went dead.

The 'he' Alice was referring to was her brother, Edward.

Edward had been my boyfriend, officially, for the last 3 years, but I didn't have a memory of my childhood that didn't include him in some way. He took me to my first school dance, he was my first real kiss, and he was my first . . . well, everything. It had always been as easy as breathing for us. So when the questions about our relationship status came up, we didn't even have to think about it. We just knew.

I let Alice believe that I really didn't want to be at the party, but really, I was just dreading saying goodbye.

While things had been really great with us this summer, I wasn't really sure how I felt about a long-distance relationship with Edward. I mean, I loved him, obviously, and I knew he loved me too. But we were both going off to college, me to ASU in Phoenix and Edward to Dartmouth in Hanover. I trusted Edward completely, I just didn't know if I'd be able to handle the idea of strange women throwing themselves at him while I was 2000 miles away.

Maybe I was a little insecure . . . whatever.

The girls in our town had no qualms about throwing themselves at him, and it was public knowledge in Forks that Edward and I were together. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that it wouldn't be the same, or worse, when his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. Somehow, I had a feeling that him saying, "I have a girlfriend back home," wasn't going to deter them any . . .

I honked once when I pulled up to Rose's and pulled out my phone to check the text I had gotten while I waited for her.

Edward.

_**Can't wait to see you . . . hurry up and get over here! Love you ~E**_

Even the sight of his name lighting up my phone made the butterflies in my stomach flutter . . . Yes, I realized that there was something seriously wrong with me.

_**Picking up Rose now, be there in 15. :) love you too ~B**_

After hitting send, I put my phone back in my purse and let my head fall back against the seat. I was brought out of my thoughts by Rose opening the back door of my car open to throw her bag in.

"Hey bitch, you ready for this?" she asked excitedly.

_Not even a little bit._

"Sure." I turned to her and gave her a quick smile.

"B, come on. You act like this whole thing with Edward is the end of the world! You love each other and you want to be with him. You should be thrilled that he wants the same thing, not scheming up imaginary affairs in your head, " she said, rolling her eyes at me.

"Rose," I sighed, "I'm not scheming up anything. I know he would never cheat and I know I should be happy. But I can't be that girl – the whiny girlfriend who's keeping him home on the phone or Skype, while he should be out meeting new people and making new friends. He shouldn't be worrying about anything else, especially not me. I don't want him to resent me."

"Oh my God, Bella! That's fucking ridiculous and you know it! Edward loves you. You're being so stupid right now," she snapped.

Rose was two things – a bitch to those who didn't know her, and a loyal bitch to those who did. And she'd known Edward almost as long as she'd known me, so her reaction to my insecurity was not surprising.

"Look Rose, I know how stupid it sounds, but that's how I feel. I can't help but feel like I'd be holding him back if we stayed together. He deserves to experience college without being tied down to his high school girlfriend who lives two thousand miles away."

"Don't you think that should be his decision, Bella? It's not fair for you to make these decisions without him. It's his life too," she said, her tone softer, "What about you? You keep saying that you want things for him, but what about what _you_ want? I know it will be hard, but you at least owe it to each other to try."

"You just don't understand what its like, Rose. You and Emmett are going to be together in Seattle, and if you wanted to go somewhere else, he could play football anywhere. Darthmouth has always been Edward's dream and I could never ask him to make that kind of sacrafice for me. He's worked too hard to get where he is now, and I can't ask him to walk away from that," I said to her.

"That's such a cop-out! You know that he would go with you in a heartbeat, if you would just ask! But you are too busy making life-changing decisions by yourself to think about how anyone else feels."

After about a minute of awkward silence, I spoke up again.

"I'm sorry. . . I'm happy for you and my brother, I really am. I love you both so much, you know that. I just don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we please just drop it?" I begged.

"Fine. Consider it dropped . . . for now. Let's at least try to enjoy tonight. It is our last night before you leave . . ."

"Yes, lets. I promise not to be so emo," I said as I gave her my cheesiest smile and a kiss on the cheek.

Once we arrived at the Cullen's, Alice was out the door before I could even shut off the engine. She grabbed mine and Rose's bags from the back seat and was yelling at us to hurry up since we only had an hour before people showed up. Rose ran ahead to find Emmett, who was in the kitchen and as I was walking up the stairs, I jumped as Edward came up from behind, grabbing me around my waist. He took me into his room and put me on the bed before brushing the hair out of my face and kissing me softly.

"I missed you," he whispered as he trailed kisses down my neck.

I pulled his head up and smiled at him.

"It's only been a day," I laughed, kissing his nose. "And as much as I want to continue this, your sister is going to freak out if I don't go get ready."

He sighed dramatically, "You wound me, thinking of my sister when I'm trying to seduce you."

Before I could say anything, Alice was standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips and eyebrows raised. I glanced at her, knowing what she would do if I didn't go with her, leaned in to kiss Edward one more time and got up.

"Okay, Lover Boy. There's time for seduction later," I whispered. "I'll see you in a bit."

At first, Alice was a little disappointed that only Jessica, Angela, her boyfriend Ben and Tyler were the only ones to show up. Once we reminded her that these were the only people we would have actually hung with anyway, she was fine.

To be honest, I was really glad that it was just our crew. It was a great way to end a huge chapter in our lives – the same way we started it. Together.

It was hard not to have fun with the people I'd grown up with. Emmett was playing bartender, Edward, Tyler and Ben were doing impressions of our least favorite teachers from high school, and Rose, Alice, Jess, Ang and I were sitting on the floor, clutching our sides because we were laughing so hard.

Before we knew it, it was after midnight, we were saying a tearful goodbye to Jess, Tyler, Ben and Ang. Shortly after, Jasper was taking a very emotional (and very drunk) Alice upstairs. Emmett followed by throwing a giggling Rose over his shoulder and Edward and I made our way to his bedroom.

"So much for the big blow-out Alice had planned, huh?" Edward asked as he shut the door and locked it.

"Yeah, I almost felt bad for her… but I'm glad it was just us, ya know? It was better that way." I yawned as I moved closer to him.

Edward placed his arms around me waist and I pushed my arms around his neck, reaching up for a kiss.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," he mumbled against my lips.

His words almost broke me. I whimpered as I crushed my lips to his, trying to show him that I felt the same. It was all I could do to keep the guilt at bay.

Our tongues tangled together as our kisses became heated and urgent. He kissed his way down and lightly sucked on the skin behind my ear, before moving closer and slowly pushing me back towards his bed.

Before long, clothes were coming off and Edward was pushing into me with a low growl.

"Fuck . . . so good," he rasped into my neck.

"Oh God, Edward," I cried.

Our hips met, thrust for thrust as our bodies continued to push and pull together.

Edward lifted his forehead to mine, and looked into my eyes as he pushed into me, only our soft moans and skin sliding against skin to be heard. The look on his face was too intense, so I grabbed his face in my hands and poured every ounce of love and feeling into a kiss, hoping he would understand how much he meant to me.

His movements became more erratic, and I knew he was close as his hand made its way down to where we were joined and started rubbing tight circles around my clit.

"So close," he moaned, "Cum for me Bella . . . I need to feel you baby."

All it took were his words before I was falling over the edge with Edward right behind me.

As he pulled out of me to get cleaned up, I groaned at the loss of connection.

_I may never feel him like this again,_ I thought to myself as tears sprung to my eyes.

Luckily, I managed to get my emotions under control as he came back to bed after getting a towel to clean up. He wrapped his arms around me as he fell asleep, while I lay in bed struggling with thoughts of having to say goodbye.

I spent a lot of time watching Edward while he slept, not being able to quell the guilt that had crept its way into my mind. After watching him for a while, I woke him up by kissing his neck and chest, silently asking him to make love to me, one more time. When it was over, we were sweaty and sated, and I fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning, I was woken up by sweet kisses on my bare shoulder and whispers from Edward, telling me it was time to get up and that he was going to jump in the shower.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I looked at the clock and groaned. I had only slept about 3 hours – not anywhere near enough to get me through the day.

As I lay back against the headboard, with the sheets up around my naked body, I couldn't stop the tears from falling, thinking about what I was going to do.

Once he was finished in the shower, I took a quick one of my own and got dressed. When I came out of the bathroom, Edward was sitting on the bed with coffee, waiting for me.

"So . . ." we both said at the same time.

After an awkward laugh, I told him to go first.

"Bella, look, I'm just going to come out and say it. I know we're both leaving and we're going to be far, but I love you. I don't want to lose you," he said with sad eyes.

The tears began to fall, followed by quiet sobs that I couldn't even begin to control as he pulled me into his lap.

"Shh baby . . . It's going to be fine. You'll see. We'll visit as often as we can and we'll be home together on breaks. We will make it work. We can do this. Please tell me we can do this," he said almost desperately.

When I looked up at his face, seeing nothing but love and hope in his eyes, all of the guilt and insecurity came crashing down around me, and I couldn't help but think I should have gone first.

"I'm sorry . . ." I choked out as I pulled myself together and out of his hold. "I'm so sorry Edward."

The confused but devastated look on his face was all I could take before getting up and walking out.

* * *

**A/N: Keep in mind, I will ALWAYS believe in HEA. . . **

**Until next time :) **


	3. Chapter 2

**Hello again lovelies!**

**Sorry for the wait... RL gets in the way sometimes. **

**It's un-Beta'd, so all mistakes are me. Please be kind.**

**Enough out of me, here's the next chappy :)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all thing Twilight, I own this mess.**

* * *

_"I'm sorry . . ." I choked out as I pulled myself together and out of his hold. "I'm so sorry Edward."_

_The confused, but devastated look on his face was all I could take before getting up and walking out._

Chapter Two – July 2004

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could without falling, ignoring my name being called from behind me. I knew it was Alice calling after me, but I couldn't bring myself to stop and explain anything. All I knew was that I needed some time. Time to figure out what my next step was, time to clear my head, and maybe, time to grieve for what I had just walked away from.

I approached my car, fumbling my keys, trying to get the doors unlocked as quickly as possible. I just needed to get out of there. Once I got the door opened, I was in and driving away before I could register what had happened.

All I could see was Alice's small form fading fast in my rear view mirror as I sped away, blinking through tears. As soon as I was far enough away from the Cullen house, I pulled off the road and barely got the car in park before the dam broke and sobs were wracking through my body.

After a few minutes, I calmed myself enough to make the short drive home. I walked through the front door, up the stairs to my bedroom and shut the door behind me, thankful that my dad wasn't home. The last thing I needed at that moment was to be interrogated by the Chief.

I kicked off my shoes and fell onto my bed, letting the sadness take over as I cried myself to sleep.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I woke up to Emmett pounding on my door.

I got up slowly and opened the door, only to be crushed into a hug by my big brother.

"Bella, what the hell happened?" Emmett asked, slightly panicked. "When I woke up, Alice and Rose were in Edward's room trying to get him to tell them why you had left the way you did, but he wouldn't say anything. Wanna tell me why he looked like he was about to jump off a bridge?"

"I really don't want to talk about it, Emmett. Please? I promise I'll tell you everything, just not right now," I begged through more tears, more guilt weighing down on me.

"Shhh, Bell, it's alright. We don't have to talk about it now. Shh," he whispered into my hair as he tried to calm me down.

When I finally got myself under control, I slowly pulled away from Emmett and went back to my bed. I curled up with my arms wrapped around my legs as I rested my head on my knees. He sat down beside me on the bed and placed his arm on my shoulder, silently showing me his support.

"Look, baby sister, I'm not sure what happened, but I'm here. Whenever you're ready, okay?"

"Thanks Em. I just need some time."

"Can I bring you something? Some tea or something? Do I need to kick his ass?" he asked.

I laughed. "No, I'm good, thanks. I'm just gonna try to get some sleep."

"Ok, if you're sure. Rose and I are going to get some dinner, so I'll bring you something back," he said as he kissed the top of my head and got up.

"Hey Bell," he stopped at my door, "whatever this is, it'll be okay. You will be okay. Call me if you need anything. I love you."

"I hope you're right Em. Thanks. I'll be fine. Love you too," I rasped, "tell Rose I'll call her later, okay?"

He nodded as he pat the doorway before he left.

Once I heard Emmett's Jeep pull away from the house, I got up and took a shower, the water scalding my body. I stood there until my skin turned red and the water ran cold. I brushed my teeth, got into my most comfy PJ's and crawled back into my bed. Turning on the TV for background noise, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

*BTY*

The next few days passed the same. I only ate when Emmett or Dad forced me to, drank just enough water to keep myself hydrated, and only went from my bedroom to the bathroom and back. I couldn't bring myself to say much more than a quick "Thank you" to my brother or my dad, and my phone had been off since I came home that awful morning.

Emmett had told Rose and Alice that I would call them when I was ready, and thankfully, they had respected my wishes, but I knew my time was limited. They were my best friends, and I knew they were worried about me. I just wasn't ready to deal with anything yet.

When I finally worked up the courage to turn my phone back on, I was not surprised to see how many texts and missed calls I had. What I was surprised to see was just how many of those were from Edward.

_**Baby, please don't do this. I need you. Call me please? I love you. ~E**_

_**Bella, please call me. We need to talk about this. ~E**_

_**Bella, this is bullshit. You can't just make decisions like this without talking to me! Doesn't what I want matter at all? Please call me. ~E**_

_**Fine, if this is what you want. I'll leave you alone for now. But this is not over, not by a long shot. ~E**_

_**Bella, please talk to me. You're leaving in 2 days, I at least want to say good bye. Please. You owe me that much. ~E**_

_**B, we're all worried about you. Edward is a zombie and from what Em says, you're not doing much better. Please call me. Love you ~Rose**_

_**Bell, Emmett said you'd call when you're ready. Just know that I'm here and I love you, no matter what. I'll give you a little bit more time before I break down your door! Hope you're ok. ~Rose**_

_**I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM! HE'S A WRECK! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I'M SO PISSED AT YOU RIGHT NOW! ~Alice**_

_**I'm mad at you, but you are still my best friend and I'm worried. I hope you're okay. Call me please. Love you ~Al **_

_**Hey cuz, Al told me what happened. Hope you're ok. Call if you need me to kick his ass. Love you. ~Jazz**_

I knew when I had broken up with Edward that there would be some fallout. I just didn't realize how much my decision had affected everyone around me.

It took me a while to weed through the rest of the messages, but once I did, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to hide any more. I knew what I had to do.

After I showered and put actual clothes on, I texted Rose and Alice, asking them to meet me at the diner. They agreed, so I went downstairs, said a quick "Hey" to Emmett and Dad, and I was out the door.

As I pulled up to the diner, I saw Rose's car parked next to a familiar silver Volvo, and my heart dropped.

_What is he doing here?_

I should have known better. I should have known Alice would tell him that she was meeting me and he would insist on coming too. I knew him better than that.

For a minute, I debated on bailing, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to hide from him forever. If I left, he would find me.

I paused at the door, noticing how tired he looked. Just the same way I'm sure I looked. My heart clenched, knowing I was the cause of the sadness in his eyes, as he looked my way. I steeled my nerves and walked over to the table.

"Hi," I said quietly.

Rose and Alice both said hello, and Edward just stared at me as if I would disappear if he looked away.

As I made a move to sit down, Edward quickly stood up and grabbed my arm softly.

"Can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?" he asked, "Please."

"Sure," I sighed.

Turning back toward the door, I stopped and looked back at the girls, telling them I'd be back. Rose nodded and gave me a sympathetic smile, while Alice just gave me a blank look.

_This is going to be fun_, I thought to myself, sighing again.

I headed back out of the diner and saw Edward pacing quietly next to his car, pulling on his hair, like he always did when he was nervous.

I couldn't bring myself to get too close, knowing how badly I just wanted him to hold me and tell him it was all a bad dream.

I stopped a few feet away, waiting for him to notice me.

When he did, he stopped pacing and looked at me with tired eyes.

"So, how are you?" I asked.

He scoffed at my question. "How am I? Really, Bella? That's what you have to say to me?" he snapped, "How the fuck do you think I am? You break up with me, out of nowhere, no explanation, no nothing, and then you have the gall to ask how I am?"

I shuddered at the tone of his voice.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, "I know that's not enough, but it's all I have."

I looked away, trying to keep my tears away until I was alone, even though I knew that wasn't going to happen.

"You're sorry?" he whisper-yelled. "You're sorry, Bella? That's all you have? You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Three years! We spent three years together, made plans for a future together, then you bail on me two days before you leave, and all you can say is 'I'm sorry'?"

"What else do you want from me, Edward? I don't know what else there is."

"I want an explanation. I want you to tell me why. Tell me, after everything we've said to each other and all of the plans we've made, what changed? Or were you just lying to me the whole damn time" he said harshly.

"How could you ask me that?" I asked, inhaling sharply. "I never once lied to you, not ever."

"Then tell me. Please Bella, tell me what changed," he pleaded.

"Everything. . . Nothing . . . I don't even know, Edward. I don't how to deal with all of this."

"And your solution is breaking up with me?"

"I'm confused, okay?" I snapped back. "We've spent every single day together for as long as I can remember, and now we're going to be 2000 miles apart. I won't be able to see you or touch you or kiss you every day. We'll be living in different time zones for the next 4 years. I can't stand the thought of not being able to physically be with you all the time, it's too hard."

"And you think it's gonna be a walk in the fuckin' park for me, Bella? Give me a break. That's a cop out and you know it."

"It's not a cop out, that's how I feel, Edward! I'm sorry you don't understand, but I don't know how else to say it."

We sat quietly for, what seemed like, forever. When he finally spoke, the tone of his voice buried me.

"I don't want to lose you, Bella. I _can't_ lose you. I need you in my life, don't you get that?"

"That's why I'm doing this, Edward. I don't want to lose you either. I'm terrified that if we stay together, that's exactly what will happen. I'm not willing to take that risk. I love you too much."

"What now, then?" he took a step toward me, grabbing my hand. "What happens now? We're supposed to, what? Be friends? Take a break? What?"

"Can't we just take some time? To figure things out, I mean. Give each other some space, make new friends, and get settled?"

He sighed. I knew he wasn't going to let this go easily.

"Bella – "

"Look, I know this isn't what you want, but this is what I need right now, okay? Can't you respect that, even if you don't understand it?" I pleaded, cutting him off.

"Fine, whatever you want," he said, dropping my hand and stepping away. "Obviously, you've made your decision."

The sad, dejected look on his face would have surely destroyed my heart, if it wasn't already broken.

"Edward . . ." I sobbed.

I stood frozen, tears streaming down my pale face, as he got in his car and drove away, effectively taking pieces of my shattered heart with him.

In that moment, I knew no matter what I did or where I went, I would never get them back.

I would never love anyone the way I had loved Edward Cullen.

* * *

**A/N: **hides under desk** **

**Do you remember a specific moment that changed your life forever? Good or bad? I'd love to hear about them! **

**Hopefully I'll have time to get the next few chapters written before RL takes over again... With a wedding, baby shower AND moving this weekend, I make no promises.**

**Until next time :) **


End file.
